My visit

Visiting Sydney after 23 yrs. Well I say visit, cause I went there with only one cause, which is to see my darling. I miss him so much although I still see him every weekend. I have to learn to let things go . Holding on too tight will only make my alone days suck. I learnt a lot of things about my other half although I live with him. We like aimless walks. We like just strolling around the parks, and pulling pranks on each other. I know he wants to pamper me, but its my character that doesn't allow my guard of ''masculinity'' down. Always thinking I have to be the man in everything, when I dont even have a dick. ahahha!!!

We had random conversations and came to a conclusion that I have an inferior complex towards his ex-gfs...well, its just that I have never been treated like I was the only one before. So this is really foreign to me to be full of self esteem and confidence that I kick ass and they suck ass! Heh Heh!

We both love to drink and like to eat Tapas. He thinks i'm a glutton, but he cant stop feeding me. Wonder who's fault it is ahhaa. He even bought a twin pack toothbrush and gave me one, even when I brought my own. It means something to me although its just a 3 dollar toothbrush.

He insisted on buying me sunglasses. Something that I wanted to buy for the whole year since I lost my old ones. Never got around to buying them. He has bought me what I wanted for this year. I dont know how to thank him enough for it. He is going to think I am gay.

Well I miss him already, and I am home, going to sleep on his bed and smell his smelly pillow. I love him but I don't think he does yet. Muax baby!

Lonely in a crowd

Lalaland

We look around at people around us, we see happiness, sadness, grief, pain, suffering, joy and bla bla. We sit and ponder when our turn will come. Will we every be able to find the one, or is there even such a thing as ''anyone'' for me? Fail relationships teach us to filter, but how many fails does it take to make a win. haha. It is mathematically impossible to guess this. The human emotion is the strongest and yet can be the weakest. A perfectly healthy person could die of severe depression and a bed ridden person could have ended up walking the next day because of their endless positivity to go on living.

People around are in greatly secure relationships with plans to tie the knot. Age is not a factor but definitely a matter. Good futures ahead with a perfect lifestyle. Compatible partners and great jobs. How come I have none? Is it just not the time yet? Is it because I have just began living? Are people really so happy? Is what I think perfection is , is something unattainable by me but is by others? Am I not fated to have that life? Is happiness short-lived for me? Am I too negative? Am I just an ass or am I just wasting my time?

When will I ever feel that feeling?

Doomed or what

I am starting to think that I don't deserve it

That I will never find and be showered with

Never will get someone who will treat me

Treat me will all respect, love and affection.

Someone who can just give me

That tiny bit of assurance that I am loved

Why do I always get treated like a convenience?

A passer by who is just there

An excess baggage when not needed

How am I not to feel like shit?

You reminded me of hope and love

I have no love but I still have some hope.

WickeD~

5 DAys in Hotham with a Fat sack carefully moulded for novelty purposes....

Chicken & Chinese Sausage Egg Noodles

Too hungry I ate before I could take more pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Step 1

Marinate meat with

2 tbsp of chinese oyster sauce

1tbsp of light soy sauce

1 tbsp of seasoning

1 tsp of salt

1 tsp sugar

cracked pepper

Step 2

1 bunch of green vegetables...I think this is choy sum, cut into 4 inches, wash and drain water,

Step 3

Chop onions

Step 4

Get a pack of egg noodles, I prefer dry ones than frozen ones...Easier to cook. Take out like 4 bunches for 2 big eaters...

Boil water on stove till boiling point (duh) then chuck it in and regularly use a chopstick or watever to loosen the noodles apart. After 5 minutes of boiling you should be able to take it all out and rinse it under cold water to stop it from over cooking and becoming too soggy and squishy!

Step 5

Use 2 chinese sausages or any type of meat of your choice like spam or sausage or watever salmon, anchovies watever, tuna, beef slices.... Chop it up as shown. In slices that are small enough to be bite size.

Step 6

Heat up oil in a pan, throw in your meats and fry them till golden brown, chuck in you noodles, sitr in dark caramel sauce, and put in your veges at the end you are done....WAlah!!!!!!!! lazy man cooking

Is this the end?

I sit and cry, feeling the pain and angst,

Feelings so mixed up I feel like a clown,

Expressions seems to be showing differently

My heart has slowed down its rate this time,

Crying without tears, but there is redness in my eyes,

I lost all my energy and I only want you to hold me up,

To hug me and to kiss me.

To tell me everything will be alright and it will be,

To tell me you love me and want things to be right,

To tell me you want to make us as one,

I am so tired from this pain,

I rather die then be left by you,

I have never given my heart and not be able to take it back,

This time I gave and you lost it,

It is my job to find it and put it back in you, you tell me,

But, it seems a task so hard and yet I would not give up,

Everything is so fragile I am losing myself,

Everything I do or say might end everything,

Why must it be so hard for you to move on,

To believe in what we have and to accept that you have to move on,

To move on and understand that some things are not worth in memory,

Things that are long gone and of no concern,

Giving yourself the courage to open up your heart and receive my love,

Giving yourself the chance to treat me better,

Giving me that chance to be loved and respected like I do to you.

For god's sake just fucking kill me.