Afraid of the next step in life.

In the next 5 years, I would like to be able to buy a home and afford the mortgage. I would like a comfortable car and a nicely furnished home. I will probably have a child and work at the same time. However, I am afraid at this point in time that I am unable to even achieve such simple things in the near future. My career per se is going somewhere but what I do is not what I like. I don't often think that I will be doing the same in the next few years. But who am I to say about the future when I do not know what will come tomorrow.

I met a car accident a few days ago, although not as serious, it definitely put me in a shocked position for a few days. I am still in a daze about what happened, I must be processing slowly if I might say. I would not be able to afford a decent car with my salary. I say this because my parents have been supporting me all these times and providing me with a comfortable life where the needs are fulfilled. I couldn't ask for more and I shouldn't abuse my luck.

I will be moving to another country and have to start all over again in terms of getting a job and finding a place to call home. I am afraid I might not be able to afford a comfortable life with the means that I have and the skills I mastered. I am at a lost.

I have a wish

In the near future which I suppose in the next year, I am planning to go live in Thailand for 3-4 months to learn how to speak and write Thai and get a part time job there so just in case I get bored. I want to do something for myself. It might sound a lil stupid to learn a language which I might not even use after I leave the country. However, I don't think I will die happy if I don't do it! God save me and show me the way to achieve this. It is a small goal and attainable. Should I just quit my job now and go? Or do I wait and wait and wait and end up procrastinating?

ช่วย

The Shits

Have you ever....

i) Stared at the tissue paper after you have used it to wipe your crap?

ii) Tried so hard to shit you burst a blood vessel?

iii) Push so hard that you farted shit out instead?

iv) Sneezed and shit came out at the same time?

v) Counted the amount of shit dollops you made?

vi) Took a photo of your shit?

vii) Washed the shit outta your ass with your bare hands?

viii) Dug shit out of your arse just cause you couldn't shit?

ix) Shit flowing out of your arse like it was pee?

x) Picking shit out of your fingernails?

xi) Flushing your ass while you shit?

xii) Touched shit or somebody else's shit?

xiii) Had sex with shit involved?

xiv) Tasted shit?

Well the list goes on and will go on in future, but if you did any of the above, don't worry you will not turn into a shitcake =P It's all au naturale unless you've been digesting plastic and erasers.

Told so and thought so!

1. Bring my car to a temple to be blessed ''hoi kong'' to ward off evil spirits and to avoid accidents.

2. Use sticky-tape to tape my broken/chipped nails temporarily.

3. Use my hair to floss my teeth.

4. Not to eat chicken when suffering from chicken pox...(dude it has nothing to do with chickens/poultry)

5. Century eggs are dipped and soaked in horse poop for several months.

6. Residue in wine means the wine is of expensive price. (pffft!)

7. I like to act smart just cause I have many ideas and opinions. ( No one's suggesting dick!)

8. I am chubby, I have a big face, I have fat thighs, I have cellulite, I swear too much (how much is too much ?), I am fussy, I am picky, and then they say i'm hot! ( Thanks)

9. People will only love or hate me, there will be no in betweens of like and dislike. (How nice!)

10. I am the weird one.

11. People say I should make up with the people I have fallen out with...I say, why the fuck for? To drama and fall out again?

12. How many times have u stared at your shit after you have taken a dump. Just right before you flush?

Taking a step back

As emotionally affected as I am towards a 'not intended' personal constructive criticism, I decided to think of why this has happened. Happens to be that I am vocal, I speak my thoughts and I am opinionated. Many people don't accept such behaviours and take it wrongly as a direct dissing to another. However, to me, it is just my opinion and is not suppose to carry any weight. But then someone esteemed has enlightened me about my position. The esteemed says that I am of persuasive character and that my peers look up to me. It could be age or maybe their just plain stupid and boring. I decided to then shut up from that day onwards to see what was really happening. The main problem was that the other people in the 'community' loved to sing songs that weren't written by them but they sang it so well that the original songwriter and audience hadn't a clue to its originality.

I am talking about people who like to instigate and provoke others to give an opinion and then to sing it as gospel truth the other's opinion. Most of them were people whom I see almost everyday for the past year. They had many problems and dislikes with others and would probe others to 'be on their side' without seeming political. By lord, they are smart. But I am lucky to be awaken earlier of such people. I took a step back and I listened. I took a step back and I saw. I took a step back and I felt. I took a step back and I no longer am part of their circus. Instead of being my innocent and naive self. I instantly felt the instigators aura of unsettledness when I did just pushed the chit chatters away. The thought I wasn't in the right state of mind. Well they are right but just that I was actually in the right state of mind.

I will learn from my mistakes and am enjoying being in the position where I stand now. I just listen and not even nod. I try my best to show unbiasness as I don't know when the next round of name-using will happen to me again. My weakness is now known by me and it shall be fixed.

One of the worse things in life that I was afraid of.

Chicken POX!

From the days I learnt about chicken pox till this very day, I have been very afraid and cautious about not catching it. This day has ended when I found out my bf had it and there is no running away from it I was somewhat doomed. After a week of suffering from headaches and fever, I went to a doctor who obviously doesn't know that chicken pox existed and everyone has different symptoms but rather pushed that idea away and said that I am suffering from climatisation as I just came back from a cold country...WTF that was 1 week ago and I use to live there. Dick!

Woke up with one boil on the right side of my forehead and I thought bugger wtf is that and popped it burst...later did I know it was actually 2 and not 1. Right now it looks like a fucking crater and it hurts and its a flesh wound. I am fucked once again. Scars for life. There are a few bumps on my scalp which I am not allowed to scratch and neither can I see where i'm scratching. It gets itchy when u sleep for too long but there is not other way cause the meds just keeps knocking you out.

My face looks like shit and I have always been afraid of wtf it'll do to my already not so nice face. Now I can't let the world see this shit of a mess that chicken pox has done to me. Not forgetting my meds are meant for Herpes!!! but whatever. I never wanted this. I have been sooooo afraid of getting it that the minute I hear that someone has chicken pox, you wouldn't see me till months later. But its my bf...what can I do. Now I suffer.

Please get vaccinated like 10 times if you can. I should have gotten at least 5 jabs. fuck this shit!