Wondering

I was wondering whether those sites that pay you to surf the internet or browse websites that sells shit or whatever they have to put online are the same people who set up websites to ask people to advertise. Like I have a marketing business and I invite you to advertise on my website for a cost and in return I tell you that I get like 100000 bla bla hits a day. Then on the other side of it, I have a website promising people 'money per click' sort of bullshit. Obviously to be able to ever get that 10 cent out of me you have to like click maybe a few thousand sites and that would take up to 3-4 hours a day. Whatever they call work-from-home at the comfort of your own butt-on-one-chair. So is it actually a scam?

Heartbroken and lonely

Never had I open up emotionally to someone. The one time I did, it just bit me in the ass to remind me of how much I should not share so much or not at all. It is the hardest relationship to get over. This is taking too long. Since there is no turning back, I don't see why I cant just walk out of this phase I am going through. If there was a second chance, I doubt I will ever allow myself into that ditch again. I am emotionally drained and tired. Sick of all this emotional play and do not wish to dwell into it for the next few months or years or however long it takes until I gain the strength and will to control it all over again. Emo bastards are people we don't want to go near. I've had enough.

Lust or Love?

It all began as a dream come true. I finally found the love of my life and I was willing to give love a second chance. I brought back the meaning of faith and fate into my life. To have hope and to be happy. To be really really happy and to smile from my heart. To cry tears of joy. Over something that never worked out to be. I loved so much and gave it my all to make things better. I tried willingly to give him the most comfortable life. I am tired but I still did what I wanted to. He is blessed that I was sent for this domestic aid. I was nothing more than a domestic aid in the end. I was nothing more than an infatuation of a person who had pure thoughts of perfectionism. A person who did not allow failures or changes to be part of life. He is a great man by himself. He can love me like nobody else, and he can resent me for every reason. I lost myself in this trap. I forgot myself. I started living for him. When things arent looking so good for me, it frustrates him because I am not good enough or seem unproductive. I don't speak out much because I don't like to argue and he speaks to me very rudely and it breaks my heart to hear him speak to me like that. So much for a person who once promised me almost the moon and the sun and not forgetting of a perfectly simple and peaceful life.

I guess people change and they constantly want to upgrade themselves and will always get more and more self confidence and so would their status and abilities rise. Who better to leave first than the one who has it all. I have learnt that people are bloody selfish and only eventually think of themselves. No matter how rational you think you are, you are at some points irrational. We never gave love a chance to grow , we never gave our feelings space to nurture. We never tried to live 2 lives together. Instead, we did it all wrong. What seemed so beautiful and promising has now turned out to be a devastating outcome for me. Maybe not for you. But I am the most hurt or the only one hurt. I might not have the strength to move on now. I don't know when, nobody knows.

I am broken hearted and you have just proven to me once again that, men are really all the same. No matter what kind of person I turn out to be. You failed me.

My love,

One day you will know,

How much I loved and still love you,

My heart breaks when you frown,

My heart shatters when you're unhappy,

I lost myself whilst trying to love you,

I forgot that I had a life too,

I gave you all and now I am alone,

Crying and heartbroken.

I know you don't feel the way I do,

But one day you will know I hope.