Noob vs Windows 8

Just bought a new ASUS laptop with an Intel Core i5. I know I am outdated but who cares, not that I am running a series of servers or what nots. Anyway, its brain is inputted with Windows 8. 

Everytime I want to do things normally I have to click on DESKTOP ( The black coloured massive icon on the left)

All my programs are on the same ugly screen which I have to scroll all the way towards the left. Most times it just hangs and shows me those 5 stupid icons on the right.

But they decide to leave this the same...

The crap I am facing as a first timer using Windows 8 ( the last I used was Vista)

1. Everytime you want to launch a program, you have to go in search for it. It doesn't just pop up on the left  Start button like it used to.
2. The scroll is not smooth. Please stoppppp copying Apple.
3. F**k loads of pre installed apps and for the first time you have to either Disable Live feed or just uninstall it.
4. It feels like a badly created software of Apple. Ipad works faster than this shit.
5. Takes a longer time to load even with a 4GB Memory. (Don't ask me to upgrade).
6. This is my third day using it. For the past 2 days, it has gone 'RESTART' on me for 7 times without warning. Thanks to whatever bloody updates they have. BAD!
7. RESTART and laptop does not RESTART all the time. 3/7 times it just went OFF!
8. I believe its the software and not so much the brand of the PC.
9. It went BLACK SCREEN on me NOT blue, when I decided to CANCEL a download. 
10. Ctrl+Alt+Del does not work all the time.
11. I think its a frozen system as it takes 8 seconds for Chrome to load. The HELL!!!
12. Internet Explorer does not belong in the year past 2010.
13. If I had 100 programs do I need to scroll like forever?
14. I dunno where to find the ''RUN'' system icon.
15. I am too lazy to google how to use a Windows 8.

I need more time with this thing. If you have no patience please delay buying and using a Windows 8!