Thursday, September 10, 2009

IMHO

Looking through my friends facebook pictures. Everyone seems to be either Single or in a relationship with someone. Tagged name. Happy photos of couples hugging, kissing, enjoying each others company, smiling, laughing and embracing each other. Everyone looks happy, everyone is enjoying life and everyone seems to be care free as according to their photos. Married to, engaged to, or something something.

Does it mean anything to a girl if their other half placed their names as a special exclusive someone, announcing to the whole world?

I guess everyone has a different view based on their life and current relationship status. I for one was used to be against even letting anyone know that I am attached in a romantic relationship other than people who I can't avoid seeing or letting them know. I was just not up for the questioning by nosy friends or family members as I do not have a really clear track record of having long term relationships. It is annoying when they start probing into your life and asking you family really screwed up questions like , ''Wow your daughter seems to be hopping from men to another, how come?''. This is not nice people. Wait till this happens to you. I did not ask for this. So happen my life is just like that with so many fail relationships, but I never gave up and I was able to move on unlike some people who are still sulking.

So anyway, now, today, I sort of am in a relationship that I would say is steady and towards long term. Hope I do not jinx this. But somehow I feel funny whenever I want to upload a photo of both of us or even to tag him in my album. There is this sort of inferior complex that I am getting. Like I am not good enough to stand next to him. Coming from a person, retrenched twice in a year...thats is how much of a self-esteem/confidence I have left. Love has now became something else. He is my idol, I look up to him. He is intelligent, loving and caring but sometimes on the rough edges. I admire his self-esteem and his ultimate confidence. He has worked hard and is smart at that too.

I have this feeling that I do not deserve to be with him. Well sometimes he puts me in such a position to make me think like that. He doesn't know and I do not blame him for I did not speak up about it. All I ever wanted was something simple, but the simplest things in life is often the hardest to obtain. Happiness is easy to come by but hard to retain. For a person like me, its even harder when happiness to mean is a totally different theory all together. I gain happiness when people are happy or when they approve of me. I know this is sabotaging myself but trying to change the way I think would not make me a better person. I need to leave some pride and self-worth for myself. I cant help it but to keep giving.

Back to the topic, and so he said, '' I hope you don't mind if I don't do the whole ''In a relationship thing''. At that point in time I bloody didn't care cause neither did I want to do that. This is not a cry for that status but rather knowing that many people out there would do it voluntarily. Does it really mean anything?

On the other hand, if I was a guy, the only reason I would not swap status is because first I AM MALE, second, I HAVE CORP CLIeNts in my list, third, I HAVE EX GF's and I DON"T WANT THEM TO KNOW''' (keeping pussies in a glass jar) , fourthly, What's all the fuss, fifthly....................I cant be fucked dont bother me.

This is damn random but I was just thinking about it since all these online network spaces seem to be people's diary for the world to see...Don't pen if you don't want to be known.

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